Guys seriously confuse me, like the last 2 guys I have SERIOUSLY liked have been the hardest to read. I mean as some of you know I was cheated on a few years back but that’s not even what hurt me the most about guys, being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back hurts the most.
Alright, so i’m gonna tell you a story that happened with me not to long ago. (If you want to skip it then I guess just read the last 2 paragraphs, that’s where my point is at. :/)
So I use to have a best friend that I’ve known for years-like since I was young and he is 5 years older than me. Anyway’s, we grew up together and would hangout every single day or so because my parents were so close to his. Well when I turned 12, I started to “like” him. Like the feeling became something I never felt before. Well since we were best friends and he was so much older than me, I let those feelings slip away. Never would of thought he would ever like me back. Besides, he had a girlfriend at the time. (She bullied me. Like she was the person that forced me to cut myself. Yes, forced. Only because I had no idea what it would do and how bad it was.)
So one night, 2 days before 4th of July we went upstairs to his room and shut all the lights off. Our parents were next door and our brothers were sleeping. And we talked and talked about our lives and just random shit. Well out of no where, he asks me if I would ever like him, and straight out of my mouth I said yes. I asked him the same question and he said yes as well. At that moment I was, shocked. Then he asked me if I would kiss him, and I did. And that was the night I had my first kiss.
So after that, we got older and we seemed to fall more in love with each other. He even broke up with his girlfriend because he loved me more than her. But here’s the catch, we couldn’t date each other because I was a minor. So we just played a little game where we were secretly dating. Because if anyone found out, he was fucked.
So anyways, on New Years eve, 2012, he made a promise to me that he would wait 4 years to date me, that means, he wouldn’t date anyone or anything. All he wanted was me. So later on, we were very in love with each other by the end of 2012 and wanted to try new things. I lost something to him that I should of lost when I was at least 19 or 20. After that, we just started freaking out because we were paranoid as fuck that we would get caught. So on Christmas, he had a serious break down and he had to tell his mom everything we have done. That fucking sucked.
Throughout 2013 we were deeply in love with each other. Like so in love that we never wanted to be apart. Late October of that year he told me, that he was so in love with me that when we would date, his life would be complete. Like, we already we’re planning on living with each other, children, shit like that. 2 weeks later I called him one night and we talked and talked and he told me that he didn’t love me anymore. Like, he didn’t want anything to do with me besides be friends. That broke me. After everything we’ve been through, he had the balls to do that. So I forced myself to go with it. Even though it gave me so many break downs, I had to do it. And I know I had too because I, was a minor.
3 days after New Years Eve, 2014, I was at his house while he was at college. So I had the balls to go up to his room and check it out. I found a card on his dresser that said, “Hey babe, I hope you liked the (present) that I got you. I can’t wait to see you soon, I love you so much babe!” And it signed a girls name I’ve never heard of before. That absolutely killed me. I was ready to jump off a cliff. I snapchated him that night when I got home and asked him and he said that he’s been dating her since October. When he told me how much he loved me.
I was in depression all this year after that. And the night I asked him, I broke down so bad that I was a few heart beats from going to the hospital. I know that sounds dramatic and over reacting but I don’t care. I was in love with him, and besides, he’s been with me my whole life, we’ve been through everything together. He blocked me from everywhere possible for 6 months. and still today, i’m blocked from everywhere. But I get to see him. I’ve actually seen him only at least 4 times in the past 7 months. Where before, we saw each other everyday.
Now for the good news, i’m very happy now, happiest person alive I bet, and it’s all thanks to you, Mitch, Jerome, Ryan, Rob, Vikk, Adam, and Alesa and many others. It’s amazing how happy I am right now. Like, the only person I “like” now is Mitch. But anyway’s I know this was longer than it should of been but I feel like I can trust you enough to share this with you. Keep in mind that i’m only 16 years old and I’ve been through more than any 18 year old has been through probably.
The point of this is that you shouldn’t be scared to love anyone. And you should never be scared to lose your friends. I mean, Mitch and Jerome, they love you Ashley. They are very close to you, like you’ve said before. They think that you are amazing and that’s why they record with you and hangout with you and talk to you all the time, even when you barely talk during a video or mess up your words sometimes, And if you ever dated one of your YT friends, for example, Mitch. If you dated him and broke up, with nothing to do with the fans, then i’m pretty sure he would still be your friend. He loves you Ash. All your friends do. Just keep fighting the pain and keep moving forward. (But I doubt he would ever break up with you if you two dated, that was just an example. You’re too awesome.)
You are too amazing Ashley, and like I said before, Congrats to your happiness! :) I love you Ashley, you are an inspiration to me and I wish I could talk to you more and help you out when you need it. I’m all about making people happy. And thank you so much if you read to the end of this. Very sorry it was so long. <3 I hope you have an awesome day today! ~Syd
Read it all <3 Sucks what you went through but I’m glad that you are happy now! Love you :D <3